Tuesday, January 5, 2016

How to Forgive Someone you Don't like...

When was the last time you forgave someone you didn’t like?  No, when was the last time you really forgave someone, not just forgot the situation or chose to ignore the misgivings for the better good.   We all know the cliché forgive and forget, or forgive others for your own piece of mind but no one actually tells you how to forgive others. Well here you go…

Wait it out:  you can simply allow enough time to pass so that you are desensitized to the incident or forget about it completely, that is until someone reminds you

Re-associate the offender with positive thoughts:
Think about someone you have a hard time holding a grudge against and always seem to forgive no matter what they do.  Why do you think you can so easily forgive them?  It’s because you associate positive thoughts and feelings with them, they make you laugh, smile, or provide a general feeling of comfort. 
Make a Pros’ list- a list of positive things about the person/ company you want to forgive (if you can’t think of positive attributes, make a list of characteristics that humanize them) The goal is to have a neutral or positive association when seeing or hearing the person’s/company’s name. 
To reinforce these new associations, you will need to write out, journal, speak, or blog your associations.  Practice making positive comments about people you don’t like while at work to others.  (While your skin may crawl every time you see Sally at work tell her how wonderful it is to see her and you will start to believe it).  It gets easier over time.   When a person or company you don’t like does something nice for you/positive for the community take note and add it to their list or pros. 

To learn more about forgiving people you don’t like or associating positive thoughts to negative situations visit Concierge Counseling at Facebook or follow them at twitter @PSYCHConcierge.


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